I think I am going to sign up for two half marathon this year (spring and fall), and focus the rest of my summer on completing a few triathlons (Munroe Falls, Vermillion, and Fairport), and maybe adding a few smaller races here and there. Which means, the search for work out gear also begins again.
However, at my height of 6' and being approximately 250lbs, I have a terrible time finding athletic apparel for training. In an age, where obesity is an issue, where we are trying to promote better health, you think that there would be more options available for women like me. Granted more websites are carrying tall sizes today, but not much has changed. Trying to be an athletic women who simply has never fallen into the average size category, can be a difficult and sometimes tearful process.
I spent over two hours tonight searching the Internet for athletic apparel, and once again closed my browser feeling deflated. Here is the problem with ordering athletic apparel when you are 6' and wear a size 20:
1. There is not a lot of options. Go to the popular websites: Gap, Athleta, Old Navy, Dicks Sporting Goods, etc. Now if you can find it, click on "tall", and instantly your choices are narrowed from 50 to 5. And your options are a medium in pea-green. Not to mention you are paying more for being tall.
2. There are at times no options. Go to Under Armour. A company that prides itself on clothing college athletes, including female basketball players. Look for the tall section....oh that is right they have no tall section. My discussion with customer service has included "well order a size up". Ordering a size up means it gets wider, not necessarily longer. I spent my half marathon in an Under Amour tank top that I had to safety pin to my shorts, because it kept riding up (too short) and I had ordered it in the largest size.
3. Everything is built in for a B cup. Half of the things I do find, are designed with a "shelf bra". The nightmare of any full figured girl. What lifts and separates our smaller counterparts, smashes our breasts and makes breathing difficult. I want to purchase something I don't want to modify or have to cut out.
4. There are literally no athletic apparel clothing companies specifically designed for tall women. Big and tall men, yes. Petite women, yes. Size 0 athletes, yes. Fat girls like me who are also tall, no.
This inevitably means that my closet is full of two types of athletic apparel: men's clothing which doesn't fit quite right or sweatpants and over-sized t-shirts. You don't feel really athletic when you are running in something that I would prefer to lounge in the couch sipping a glass of wine wearing.
The search for clothing that can help me commit to being healthy and slimming down, usually ends up as a frustrating and unsuccessful experience. A great example, is the nightmare of trying to purchase the new uniform from my team last summer, and knowing that I would never wedge my frame into the same skintight material that my thinner teammates so easily put on. I remember sitting on the couch as everyone "ohhhed" and "ahhhed" over the material and the fit, while I was breaking out in cold sweat terrified that I would need Crisco to get into it. Not to mention, the fear of being my size and wearing something like that in public. In the end, I had to settle for a men's dri-fit shirt and stayed in the back during team photos.
In fact, it was such a stressful and embarrassing situation at times trying to explain to the people on my team that I just want to "fit" in, by being able to wear the same thing, that I even had contemplated just quitting. While I can work my ass off, I know I will always be bigger (I have a large frame), and I simply can't wish away my height. I have had to learn to live with my height and size, but I feel depressed knowing I live in a world where plus sized and tall models don't exist in athletic catalogs.
The lack of reality we have in our fashion world, sadly, has also been maintained in the fitness world. It is just that no one is talking about it as much. We continue to hold an unrealistic expectation that all athletic women are size 4-8, approximately 5'4''-5'7'', and B-C cup.
You often feel like life is trying to tell you that you aren't thin enough to be healthy, because "Hey, we don't make work out gear for fat people". Sweatpants with elastic waistbands fit perfectly for people like me....couch potatoes. Spandex and polyester blends are designed for size 4.
(Even on the dating sites, countless men who brag about working out, cross fit, and endurance events maintain they do not want "BBW". Because only thin girls look good working out, and "BBW" women are just lying about being active.)
If the idea is that clothing helps to build confidence. The same thing should be said about our athletic apparel. Maybe women like me, wouldn't always feel so discouraged to get out and be fit, and stay fit, if we could actually find the right tools (clothes) to help us feel more confident. Clothing that not only cover us, but supports us.
I am tired of feeling smashed and constrained, running and pulling down shirts, and feeling like a whale in running shorts that ride up. I want to find apparel that is comfortable, long enough in the torso, and built to support women like me who want to be healthy, and maybe look good, too.
I want to be a comfortable and fashionable, fat girl running.
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