Sweetness of Friendship

"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed." -Kahlil Gibran

This time of year is always tough for single people. First we have the Christmas holidays were we are bombarded by questions from relatives at dinners about our single status, inundated with cheesy jewelry commercials, and forgotten by our married friends who have special evenings planned with spouses. Then we head into New Years where we find ourselves alone at midnight with no kiss and finally Valentine's Day where the world treats us like we have leprosy.

Needless to say, it is the time of year that I dread. While I wish to find love, it is not so much the lack of love that is hard to bear. It is the idea, that we still live in a world where the idea of a single woman falls into two categories: the woman who become cat ladies and the spurned bitter women who fucked up their chance at love. I find myself at times torn between the adulation of being single and the pitying looks of people who can't quite figure out why I am alone.

This year, I expected to spend Valentine's alone. Sipping wine and watching a marathon of Downton Abbey. Instead, I found out that not only did other friends detest the holiday, but actually wanted to do something not focused on the commercial aspect of the holiday.

So for the first time ever, I hosted a dinner consisting of myself, another single girlfriend, and my married friends from college. I cooked dinner, my friends brought dessert, and we drank wine. And it was one of the moments, where I just wished I could bottle the moment. I stood in the kitchen washing dishes with the sound of laughter trinkling from the other room, and found myself thanking God with tears in my eyes for such good friends.

You see, my friends have kept me sane. They bring me back from the brink, and remind me daily that while I have not yet found love, I am capable of loving. Despite what has happened in the past, I would not trade that
night or the friends in my life for anything. I would trade any man in the world, for what I was feeling in that moment.....unconditional love.

How many of us wait a life time for it? How many of us spend too many wasted years searching for it, and not realizing that the love we are looking for is already present in our lives?

I am trying harder in my life to savor the sweetness of friendship, and to find contentment in the hours spent with friends. To look forward to conversations about crazy family members over beer, or the joy of trying out a new recipe for friends coming over for dinner.

"Close friends contribute to our personal growth. They also contribute to our personal pleasure, making the music sound sweeter, the wine taste richer, the laughter ring louder because they are there." -Judith Voirst

Moving Forward While Looking Back

"You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in."-Mandy Hale

After a long absence from blogging, some of it a self-imposed banishment due to the lack of anything positive to say, and the fact that I had people nosing around that I wasn't willing to allow into my personal life. That being said, I am back. Slightly different than before, and in need of a desperate "reset".

I think my struggle to find anything of merit or value to say, has a lot to do with the fact that I have been carrying around baggage for far too long. The bitterness of a broken heart, failed relationships, bad dates, a lousy economy, and the perpetual feeling of working hard for nothing. Every time I logged into my blog, I had those reminders lurking in old posts and news feeds. It was time to revamp and start fresh.

While I cannot say that 2013 was a bad year, it wasn't a great year either. I feel like my life has been stuck in neutral, with me rushing through the valleys due to the pull of gravity. This has then been followed by the slow churn of making the next hill with barely any momentum. It is like trying to bike under water. Everything seemed out of place, and nothing seemed to work right.

While I say goodbye to the mediocrity of 2013, I am hoping for a great year in 2014. I am hoping that this is my year. The year of not only big changes, but a gain in momentum that has nothing to do with going through the motions of life. Rather I want the momentum in my life to be due to the fact that I am embracing life.

Embracing a single life, and finding contentment that I am turning 33 with no love in sight. That this is the year, where I am really okay to be single, and where I can acknowledge that life is good even as a single digit.

The new year, 2014, will be the year dedicated to seeking a life full of laughter, and truly appreciating the blessings and contentment that comes from a life well lived.

This is the year where:

1. I will stop looking back at failures with regret, rather I will treat them as lessons to be learned.
2. I will get back the body and health that I want, not because I will look better in the mirror but because I will feel better about myself.
3. I will learn to love myself instead of acting like I should be life's doorstep.
4. I will allow myself to make mistakes without beating myself up.
5. I will tell my family and friends that I love them more.
6. I will wake up each day knowing that the world is a better place because I am in it.
7. I will stop worrying about why I don't have a man, and instead realize that everything has its purpose and place. Even loneliness. 
8. I will embrace my flaws while working to overcome my weaknesses.
9. I will get my health under control.
10. I will laugh more.
11. I will drink more wine with friends.

This is a new chapter for me in my seven years of blogging, and hopefully a confident step in a better direction.

To my friends and readers who have stayed with me, asked me to blog again, and have encouraged me during my darkest hours....thank you.