Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Auld Lang Syne

During The New Year celebration many of us will be kicking back a few drinks before going arm-in-arm with strangers and friends alike as the ball drops in Time Square. As tradition dictates we will be swaying and singing along (whether we know the words or not) to the 1788 Scottish folk song, "Auld Lang Syne", which roughly translates to "a long time ago".

The sentimentality of the song invokes memories of friendlier times, and holidays surrounded by loved ones. Living in Korea and walking down the streets of Gangnam during New Year's, that song playing in a shop window brought tears to my eyes. The song reminded me of home, and how much things had changed in a year.

Not surprisingly, the songs reminiscence and longing is one reason why the song was banned from the battlefield in December 1862 by the Union Army. After a terrible loss in Fredricksburg, generals were afraid that the men would desert if memories of hearth and home were evoked by this poignant song. 


For the lonely, it can be a gut-wrenching reminder of what has been lost, or what has not yet been found. Simulataneously, it also the one song during the year when people freely embrace strangers and celebrate a moment of peace. Albeit, often as a result of too much bubbly. 

As Dave Tomar of the Huffington Post put it: "Even if you haven't a clue what it means, Auld Lang Syne evokes an undeniable sentimentality, a disorienting nostalgia, an instantaneous affection for the people around you at that exact moment; loved ones and strangers alike. A New Year stands before you, brimming with possibility. Whatever the hell that song is about, it makes you well up with a distinctly wintery kind of warmth."


This year, I will be ringing in the New Year again at my friends' house in Mogadore. While my friends have definitely fallen into the "old friends" category given the number of years since we left college, they have always been by my side. Whether I come alone (pretty much every year) or with someone else, I am always welcomed into their home to share Christmas Ale by their hearth. 

New Year's Eve is a night of possibility. A new year lies ahead, and the old year is behind you. Whether it was good or bad, it will soon become a part of the past, and the new year will soon become a part of the present. Everything is possible, and everything is yet to come.

Yet as Dave Tomar once again elegantly states, "This is the first song that we hear every single year. That's a huge responsibility. Even if it's just another date on the calendar to you, even if you don't really get hung up on the whole clean slate thing, even if you're kind of a bummer to those of us who like to make a big deal out of things, it's hard not to get swept up in the momentum of this song. It tells you everything you really need to know for the coming year: Stay close to the people who matter."


As "Auld Lang Syne" plays in the background or roars loudly from the mouth of the drunk next to you, the song reminds us of what is important, the people in our lives that love us. Perhaps you will be spend the night alone, but you will not be lonely forever. Even if you haven't found the one, your life is still full of the ones who do love and care about you. It should be enough, for you and for me to get through another year, no matter what it brings.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp,
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu'd the gowans fine;
But we've wandered mony a weary fit
Sin' auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidled i' the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And there's a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o' thine!
And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught

For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.


Monday, December 30, 2013

A Dance With Dragons

"I had feared it from the start, from the moment you first smiled at me and let me touch your hand. My own father could not love me. Why would you if not for gold?" -Tyrion Lannister in Dance with Dragons
 

Since I have committed myself to making myself a better person in the new year, I have also decided to complete a couple of projects which I always seem to put off, or never have time for. One of those has been completing the fifth book in George R.R. Martin's series A Song of Fire and Ice. For those of you not into fantasy novels, it the series which has spawned the wildly popular Game of Thrones on HBO. 

Martin's novels are prolific and richly detailed. These are not books for the beach, rather tomes to be savored with mulled wine and mutton next to the fireside. This one is no different at a mere 900+ pages in length. I have started reading the book three times in the past two years. Martin takes a long time to write the next installment, and as a fan, it is hard to finish one book without wanting to pick up the next. At times, fans have waited years for the next book to be published.

If anything, it is a reflection of my own impatience. I have not wanted to finish reading the book, because I hate waiting. I have learned in my life, that there is plenty of "hurry up and wait". I just dread the waiting part, when the result is not always a happy ending. Just like Martin's novels you may wait a long time to find out your favorite character is killed off in a few visceral pages (Red Wedding). 

One of my favorite characters in the series is Tyrion Lannister. A wretched dwarf who is ridiculed and ostracized by his family for his lack of beauty. What he lacks in looks, he makes up for it in witticism, sarcasm, and an incredible amount of quick-thinking intelligence. Despite his brash behavior and his prickly jabs, deep down he is a profoundly sensitive individual who has sought love and acceptance his entire life. His one chance at true and unconditional love ended in disaster because he so believed himself unworthy of love, that he could not believe the sincerity of the offer. It is a back story, which has been a pivotal force in how he has shaped his world and life.

I find myself drawn to the character, because at times, I feel a little like the dwarf. I have spent my life using my intelligence, sarcasm, and wit to hide the hurt. I have a hard time acknowledging my sensitivity is due to my own feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. Why else would I be alone at my age, if not for the fact that I am not worthy of it? Like the dwarf, some of the people who I have loved, in the end rejected and ostracized me. You spend a lot of time trying not to feel invisible, by doing anything possible not to be reminded of the loneliness. You become the dwarf, the fool, the clown, the best friend, and magician who wears a lot of hats to keep the attention you don't want away from you.

What is great about Tyrion's story is that he is an unlikely hero, adventurer, and a pivotal character in this dance with dragons. You get the feeling that a lot of things wouldn't happen if he wasn't in the picture. You like him as a character, and not because of his looks. You root for him, because you also want to believe that while you may not see it, the Reader is watching you and sees your role in this world, better than you do.

Do dwarves have happy endings? 


Moving Forward While Looking Back

"You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in."-Mandy Hale

After a long absence from blogging, some of it a self-imposed banishment due to the lack of anything positive to say, and the fact that I had people nosing around that I wasn't willing to allow into my personal life. That being said, I am back. Slightly different than before, and in need of a desperate "reset".

I think my struggle to find anything of merit or value to say, has a lot to do with the fact that I have been carrying around baggage for far too long. The bitterness of a broken heart, failed relationships, bad dates, a lousy economy, and the perpetual feeling of working hard for nothing. Every time I logged into my blog, I had those reminders lurking in old posts and news feeds. It was time to revamp and start fresh.

While I cannot say that 2013 was a bad year, it wasn't a great year either. I feel like my life has been stuck in neutral, with me rushing through the valleys due to the pull of gravity. This has then been followed by the slow churn of making the next hill with barely any momentum. It is like trying to bike under water. Everything seemed out of place, and nothing seemed to work right.

While I say goodbye to the mediocrity of 2013, I am hoping for a great year in 2014. I am hoping that this is my year. The year of not only big changes, but a gain in momentum that has nothing to do with going through the motions of life. Rather I want the momentum in my life to be due to the fact that I am embracing life.

Embracing a single life, and finding contentment that I am turning 33 with no love in sight. That this is the year, where I am really okay to be single, and where I can acknowledge that life is good even as a single digit.

The new year, 2014, will be the year dedicated to seeking a life full of laughter, and truly appreciating the blessings and contentment that comes from a life well lived.

This is the year where:
  1. I will stop looking back at failures with regret, rather I will treat them as lessons to be learned.
  2. I will get back the body and health that I want, not because I will look better in the mirror but because I will feel better about myself.
  3. I will learn to love myself instead of acting like I should be life's doorstep.
  4. I will allow myself to make mistakes without beating myself up.
  5. I will tell my family and friends that I love them more.
  6. I will wake up each day knowing that the world is a better place because I am in it.
  7. I will stop worrying about why I don't have a man, and instead realize that everything has its purpose and place. Even loneliness. 
  8. I will embrace my flaws while working to overcome my weaknesses.
  9. I will get my health under control.
  10. I will laugh more.
  11. I will drink more wine with friends.
This is a new chapter for me in my seven years of blogging, and hopefully a confident step in a better direction.

To my friends and readers who have stayed with me, asked me to blog again, and have encouraged me during my darkest hours....thank you.