Has It Really Changed?

I have always known, I wanted a family. To be married and have children. Not in the same sort of way that some little girls have their dream dresses and wedding cake already picked out. More like deep in my bones. When I see older couples together, or see a young couple with their kid. I feel it. 

For a while, it got too hard going to weddings and baby showers. Feeling like I was missing out. 

Now, I just feel too exhausted too care. It is not that I no longer want it, it is just that it has become too much work. The road from first date to wedding altar has gotten too long. I don't even feel thrilled getting ready for a date anymore. No one has been worth the effort of late. I am sure, some have felt the same way about me.

And it doesn't help when I try to voice how I feel, I get those looks from friends. The wave of their hand and the cliche, "Oh it will happen when you are least looking". It makes me want to scream.

It is more than that. I just feel as though I am done. Like the person I was supposed to have met in my life, has come and gone. Or even worse, they never existed. I just can't do it anymore....put myself out there.

It has become too much.

Have I really become that cynical?