Stronger

Today, like many thousands of Americans, I watched as the 118th Boston Marathon welcomed 23,000 runners to Boston. This year, the event represented much more than running. The race represented for many: strength, resilience, perseverance, overcoming adversity, and most importantly...peace. Today, we watched as runners of all ages, races, religions, and experience levels spoke as a single entity, that we would never let hatred keep us from finishing the race. It was in many ways, awe inspiring and emotional.

While the days tick down to my surgery. I find myself anxious. I have never been a good patient, and more importantly the fear of going under the knife, worries me. While the risk is minimal, there is always risk. The knowledge that I will be knowingly putting myself through a lot of pain, so that I can come out stronger than before, is also a little disconcerting. Why does healing, always require so much pain?

But watching the faces of the runners today, crossing the finish line, I realize that my own battles, while significant in my mind, are insignificant compared to what others have endured this past year. Runners and spectators who have lost limbs, suffer from shrapnel wounds, and permanent hearing loss. For some, their pain will never be over. The damage was too significant. For others, while they walk/run with no physical wounds, they are still suffering the emotional scars from PTSD. I find it hard to complain too much, about what is coming up for me, while watching what transpired today.

After talking with the physical therapist today about my treatment plans for rehab after surgery, there is a good chance that if everything goes well, I will be back to competitive form by October. Of course I felt a little goofy "practicing" using crutches and learning how to wrestle with the various seat belt straps of my ACL brace. The athlete in me itches for the challenge of what rehab will entail, the klutz in me is already nervous. However, t
he perfectionist in me wants to use the opportunity to be even stronger than before. In many ways, this feels like an opportunity. I hope I have the courage to face it.

I hope to be stronger.