Life Is...

Life is definitely a battle some days. Even when everything seems like it is going alright, something turns up to remind you that nothing is ever easy. Lately, it has been the endless amount of work I have been struggling to get through (work and school stuff). I never seem like I can get ahead of the paper work, and its been resulting in a lot of headaches. I haven't had so many migraines in a number of years, but I have a feeling it is the lack of regular sleep (3-4 hours/night) and the added stress of approaching deadlines at work and school.

I think the hardest thing, is that I have had nothing to help me recharge. This is the time of year where you usually plan a vacation or a get away. While that is not fiscally possible at this point, I am trying to find non-expensive ways to help recharge the batteries. I am trying to sign up for a few inexpensive and short distance races (Lakewood Ambulance Chase in May), and trying to budget time to go out. This past weekend, I went out Friday in Lakewood and Saturday in Akron. While both of them resulted me being home by midnight, I was so happy to go out, socialize, and enjoy a couple of beers. While I love my apartment and living alone, I am still struggling with the occasional feelings of loneliness (especially late at night). I always have felt better when I am around others.

I am also glad I bit the bullet and splurged on my FitBit, the motivation and the flashing lights gives me something to work toward. While I still hate working out, and never feel "great" after I am done, I am glad that I am forcing myself to budget time into my schedule for it. Getting in shape has never been for anyone, but me. While I do believe that my rejections in the dating world have something to do with my weight, I am not going to use the excuse of weight to be the reason why I hide from the world either. I want to feel good in my own skin, and not worry so much about how people perceive the outer me. And frankly, I want nothing to do with the men who only carry about the outer appearance (been there and done that).

Honestly, life has shown me that the things I want are not always possible, or at least something I may have to work hard for. I cannot begin to exactly say how extremely disappointed and frustrated I have been with dating, especially this past year. I think I may turn 33 this year, with the towel completely thrown in. I think I am going to exchange dating with racing. At least I can look at the back sides of the male runners, and know that I didn't have to shave my legs, put on make-up, or wear an uncomfortable outfit for the free view. They even take their shirts off sometimes too.

Either way, to put it bluntly, life is...life. It is not bad, it is not great, but I can't really complain too much. I am alive and relatively healthy...just burnt out. I need a girls night, a couple of beers, and maybe some baseball games this spring to put me into better sorts. I also need a few races to get my heart racing again.

Who's in?