Since I have committed myself to making myself a better person in the new year, I have also decided to complete a couple of projects which I always seem to put off, or never have time for. One of those has been completing the fifth book in George R.R. Martin's series A Song of Fire and Ice. For those of you not into fantasy novels, it the series which has spawned the wildly popular Game of Thrones on HBO.
Martin's novels are prolific and richly detailed. These are not books for the beach, rather tomes to be savored with mulled wine and mutton next to the fireside. This one is no different at a mere 900+ pages in length. I have started reading the book three times in the past two years. Martin takes a long time to write the next installment, and as a fan, it is hard to finish one book without wanting to pick up the next. At times, fans have waited years for the next book to be published.
If anything, it is a reflection of my own impatience. I have not wanted to finish reading the book, because I hate waiting. I have learned in my life, that there is plenty of "hurry up and wait". I just dread the waiting part, when the result is not always a happy ending. Just like Martin's novels you may wait a long time to find out your favorite character is killed off in a few visceral pages (Red Wedding).
One of my favorite characters in the series is Tyrion Lannister. A wretched dwarf who is ridiculed and ostracized by his family for his lack of beauty. What he lacks in looks, he makes up for it in witticism, sarcasm, and an incredible amount of quick-thinking intelligence. Despite his brash behavior and his prickly jabs, deep down he is a profoundly sensitive individual who has sought love and acceptance his entire life. His one chance at true and unconditional love ended in disaster because he so believed himself unworthy of love, that he could not believe the sincerity of the offer. It is a back story, which has been a pivotal force in how he has shaped his world and life.
I find myself drawn to the character, because at times, I feel a little like the dwarf. I have spent my life using my intelligence, sarcasm, and wit to hide the hurt. I have a hard time acknowledging my sensitivity is due to my own feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. Why else would I be alone at my age, if not for the fact that I am not worthy of it? Like the dwarf, some of the people who I have loved, in the end rejected and ostracized me. You spend a lot of time trying not to feel invisible, by doing anything possible not to be reminded of the loneliness. You become the dwarf, the fool, the clown, the best friend, and magician who wears a lot of hats to keep the attention you don't want away from you.
What is great about Tyrion's story is that he is an unlikely hero, adventurer, and a pivotal character in this dance with dragons. You get the feeling that a lot of things wouldn't happen if he wasn't in the picture. You like him as a character, and not because of his looks. You root for him, because you also want to believe that while you may not see it, the Reader is watching you and sees your role in this world, better than you do.
Do dwarves have happy endings?
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